Am I a Cog??

So I have been thinking to myself. Not recently but for a while now... what is my purpose for being here. Now I know that this seems like a normal thing to think about but I don't think that I mean it in such a broad sense. Accounting for my mission from God, to be an example and a light of rescue, I am left still wondering. I seem to confuse myself on the specifics of the matter especially on the matter of money and financial situations. It seems that I have become sort of a money "machine," if you will. I seem to do stuff (i.e. work) and then when the check comes in, it goes back out in the form of bills, CD's, food (that's a big nay, huge one), clothes, and just well, stuff. I ask myself on numerous occasions "is this part of a healthy, Christian life?" Am I just performing a magic trick and turn my labor into something that I will undoubtedly grow tired of in a relatively short while?

Understand that I am not really trying to be some sort of weirdo that gets stuck on "consumerism," or whatever, I am simply trying to find what my part in this should really be. I am constantly performing a search of my motives for doing anything now. Not that I am worried or stressed about my "life" and "future" because I know that God has the outcome of it in His hands, but I am trying to dissect almost every aspect of my life. What am I blindly supporting buy just buying stuff? Am I really doing this Christian life thing the correct way? Or am I just an American that has the subtext of being a Christian?

Now before anyone has a fit about my use of America in a "bad sense," try and see where I am coming from. I am not anti anything... I think. What I am trying to say and ask is are the actions that I do dictated by the teachings of Christ, or by what feels good to this American society? The last time that I checked is that God is the God of people before he is the God of a nation. And yes I do realize that he is powerful enough to "build and break kingdoms" but He, at least to me, is the God of ME before anything else. Sorry if I sound selfish about that. I really don't mean to be. What I am saying is that to myself, the most powerful connection between God and us is the one between Him and I. There, satisfied? That is what I was trying to say.

So what am I letting get in-between that relationship? Why do I constantly turn away from the thing that is supposed to be the most natural thing for us, and devote my time to what I seem to have been almost brainwashed with? I am speaking of this homogenized life that almost all of us subscribe to as Americans.

Here is an example: I go work (and this will sound very odd to you all) I go to work at midnight and immediately after I clock in, I have "down-time." There really isn't anything to do workwise. So the first thing I do after making sure everything is ok is turn on the TV. Why? Why is it my natural reaction to having nothing to do is to do nothing? Why don't I read? Why don't I do my homework? One could argue that it has more to do with "being lazy" or having "poor time-management" but I believe it goes deeper. I don't think that this is what God intended us to be.

A quote: "human beings were not meant to sit in cubicles and stare at computer screens all day"
-Office Space

Now I realize that I am being sort of ironic because I am typing this on a computer but I think that this rings true. We have gone so far from what we were meant to be that we forget what it was. Kind of like the huge RV with a satellite dish and microwaves and whatnot going camping. What is the point? Might as well go to a hotel.

I don't know. Sorry that I made you read all of this and then have no conclusion. I really am bothered my this. I don't think that God made his creation so we could buy McDonald's and sit around all day playing Halo and listening to our IPods while sitting in the middle of His creation. Where is the life that He wants me to lead. Is it here, being who I am now? I don't really think so. Leave me a comment. Tell me what YOU think. A human interaction moved by spirit. Sorry if I sound like a ranting hippy, trust me... That is not the idea. Ok, I have to go to class now.

"we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?" -Switchfoot