Perhaps this is a new beginning or perhaps it is nothing at all, I am not the one to decide.

I find it interesting that when around certain circles (usually older ones) saying the word "blog" can be fun. I usually get strange looks because apparently, "blog" sounds like a dirty word. I am not sure if this is true but it still lends itself to fun regardless. So you see, blogging can be fun despite the fact that no one around you knows what the heck it means. Even now Microsoft Word says that the word “blog” does not exist. That being stated, I have come to the conclusion that I should blog more frequently and not just in the "I-thought-this-was-funny-so-you-should-think-it's-funny-too" sense. I do this not because I am any more brilliant than the next fellow, nor that I have something to say that has not been said already. No, I suppose the real reason is so I have a place to organize my thoughts and aspirations. It might, could be that my thoughts could seem a bit scattered about now and that my brain needs an outlet through my fingers, onto the screen, through my eyes, and into my heart.

I must admit however, I am doing this for my own good. Selfish as that may be at least it's the truth. I do ask that you join me as a companion on this awkward road of self-discovery. I can always use someone to talk to. Someone to share joy and sorrow with. Someone to tell me I'm wrong and to tell me it's ok. I hope to use this road as a way to shed light on who I am and who I have become. I hope to use it as a way to become who I am in my Creator who beckons me wholly to be holy.

Last but not least... I spend way to much time awake late at night doing nothing.

Hopefully this will change that.

-Chris

(for all you nay-sayers who say that I blog to much… b-b-b-baby you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet)

Don Rabbit Part 1

I have been reading "Blue Like Jazz" recently and there is a lovely little story within a story in it.

I will share it with you in the next few days here.

Here is part one in our little saga.

(you may have to click to see the image in it's normal size)











We shall continue our saga... tomorrow.

An Open Letter to A Friend - Lessons in Honesty

So I think previously I have stated that I want to be a bit more honest and forward with my writing. I suppose this is a way of confronting myself with myself and dealing with things that I like or that I don't really care for. I have just begun corresponding with a good friend who is not a Christian about Christianity in general. In this letter I respond to my friend who is feeling a bit irked at a Christian arguing about something yet not really have followed their own advice I would surmise. I have decided to publish this letter because I think it bears repeating to more than just a closed audience of two. Take heed that names have been changed to protect the innocent and that I really pull no punches. Feel free to comment if you like but I really don't care if you do or not. This is more for me anyway. Sorry 'bout that

-In Him

Chris

____________________________

Well, to begin. I understand where you are coming from. I am well aware of the fact that the group that I happen to cast my lot with has a tendency to be a bit judgmental / hypocritical / overbearing / overzealous / crazy / ...well you get the general idea. I am also well aware that when a Christian decides to argue with a non-Christian, usually things like humility, empathy, and sanity to say the least tend to fly out the window. Instead they will tense up and going into full-defense mode. Somehow I think it's cause we start thinking we are arguing God's argument and that if we lose, we somehow failed some great mission. The problem is, the idea of someone trying to argue for God would be like an ant trying to explain the finer points of my day to day actions. We as humans are selfish and fallible even when we are trying to be spiritual.

In your friend's defense, the biblical point of view does say in many places (if you really want I can get the verses but for now it's early am) that sex before marriage is a bad thing. Although, in my personal opinion, this is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. I mean that "fornication" (pre-marital sex as it is commonly called) is just another "sin." Not to take away from it's importance, but it would seem to me that in many cases, an act that God would ask us not to do is not because He is trying to ruin our fun, but is rather trying to protect us regardless of what it is. (murder, stealing, copyright infringement) It is more like a parent telling their child to not run in the parking lot. What I mean by that is that He knew that one day some tweaker in Butt-City would one day have sex with a fellow tweaker, get pregnant, go on welfare, and then begin the long process of raising the next president of cell-block A. All the while not caring at all how their own actions effect others let alone their own offspring.

Now obviously you know my history and know for a fact that a) I have definitely done the Do and b) this is not the only transgression ever to have graced the pages of the Ho-Ho history book. So I am probably not the best role-model in this particular discussion. What I can tell you is that while I was gallivanting about with said women, my once healthy relationship with God soon wore away. The problem there that while this was fun and almost free-feeling, I soon discovered that it wasn't. eventually the excitement wore away and I realized exactly what I was doing and risking and there I was, without anything whatsoever i could call positive and meaningful in my life. One mistake away from being the proud father to your local dealer. My actions were getting in the way of who I was being called to be.

Now of course I would like to say this was a turning point in my short life but it wasn't. I am one of those slow learners that needs to be hit on the head over and over again before i realize someone is even talking to me. So began the arduous process of becoming who I am today. Now, granted, that's not much and there is PLENTY of room for improvement but I can also say I am happy (just, not content) with who I am.

You happen to be asking me to correspond at the same time that I am sort of going through one of those epiphany moments that happens so infrequently in ones life. So forgive me if I get to be a bit airy in my dialog. I am trying to formulate words where there really weren't words before.

As far as your friend goes, no they should not be persecuting you in such a manner. Honestly though, I think when I was a "young Christian" I may have done the same. We as a faith seem to be a bit out of touch with the rest of the world and humanity for that matter. Instead of being followers of Christ we have turned into His salesmen. The problem is that half the time, we act like we don't even believe in the product we are selling. Instead of loving the world we try to separate ourselves from it all the while trying to act like we're "just like you" and can listen to cool bands and buy stupid crap just as well if not better. (see my blog about the stupid pajamas)

I often wonder how the world would view us if instead of acting like idiots with an agenda/product, we just genuinely cared and loved people regardless of who they were or what political party they belonged to. Maybe we wouldn't look so insane to everyone.

I think I have gotten a bit off topic but I think it's OK for now. I think this was stuff I needed to get off my chest to someone who wasn't in my church bubble but would still listen with an open mind. What I am trying to say I suppose is that I am sorry. Sorry for misrepresenting who Christ is. Sorry for George Bush and his so-called faith. Sorry for big-haired preachers telling you to send us your money so they could buy another jet. Sorry for the Crusades, sorry for horny and perverted priests, sorry for friends who turn their nose up to you because they think they are better than you. Sorry for it all.

What a way to start huh?

Hope this helps.

-Chris

Actually, It's a Great Idea!

I for an I

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love-a scholar's parrot may talk Greek-
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

-C.S. Lewis