Saturday, September 16, 2006


I stole this from my friend Adam Adams (yes it's his real name). I urge you to see Equilibrium to understand the context. Once you have my friends, you will know once and for all... that computers suck.
I call you, Librians...
It should be noted that all things spelled "Prozium" will be bold and red.
Also, all things loaded with "cool factor" will be blue.
I write this with but one purpose. One truth drives me. That is this: All should rename their computer. All compulsions to replicate the names of significant individuals, family members, glib phrases or musings should be suppressed. All names should die, for the substitution of another.


"Prozium" is the medication all Librians took to suppress feeling or sense. Not taking "Prozium" would mead certain "processing" (also known as death by burnanation). Feeling anything is known as "sense crime," which we know with much certainty is bad.

While clever, this particular name is not witty. I beleive this drawback is outweighed by something I'd like to call "cool factor." "Cool factor" is something acquired when you recieve the opportunity to utter something that Sean Bean "Errol" or Christian Bale "Senior Grammaton John Preston" would.

For instance, with your computer named "Prozium," you could correctly say "It's time for my dose," or, if someone attempts to force computer usage on you, you could say, "But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

Or by taking on the role of the father, you may daftly utter "Prozium - The great nepenthe. Opiate of our masses. Glue of our great society. Salve and salvation, it has delivered us from pathos, from sorrow, the deepest chasms of melancholy and hate. With it, we anesthetize grief, annihilate jealousy, obliterate rage. Those sister impulses towards joy, love, and elation are anesthetized in stride, we accept as fair sacrifice. For we embrace Prozium in its unifying fullness and all that it has done to make us great."

Also worth mention, and perhaps the coolest thing ever, is that with a computer named "Prozium," you may call yourself a Grammaton Cleric of the Tetragrammaton.

Thank you.

1 comment:

Nicole said...

I'm lost...